A Life Without You
by multifandomer
Summary: Dan decides his life isn't worth living anymore. He is greeted by an angel, and he shows him what life would have been like if he was never there.


**Dan POV**

Have you ever felt like there wasn't a reason to get up in the morning? Like you were just there, but not doing anything? That point in life where you are so low you don't think things will ever get better. When you don't see a point in getting up in the morning to follow the same routine of eat, work, sleep, repeat. It's the worst feeling in the world.

I was sat on my bedroom floor, a small bottle of pills, a bottle of vodka and a folded up piece of paper in front of me. It was currently 2:03am. My bedroom door was locked, and everything in the house was still. I had been staring at the two bottles for 10 minutes, contemplating my decision. No one would miss me, right? What was there worth living for anymore?

I picked up the bottle of pills and opened the lid, staring down at the pills inside. I tipped a load of them into my hand. Is this really what I want? Of course it is. I slowly raised my hand to my mouth before tipping the small pills in to it. I then grabbed the bottle of vodka, using it to wash the tablets down with.

After a few minutes, I started to feel light-headed. I was growing more tired, my eyes fighting to stay open. I eventually gave in to it, drifting in and out of consciousness until it was all black.

There was a bright light, and when I opened my eyes, I was still in my room, except it was day time rather than night time. I sat up slowly, trying to stop the pain in my head. The memories of the night coming back to me.

"You're awake then." I heard from behind me. I quickly turned my head to see a boy standing there. He didn't look much older than me.

"Who are you? And where am I?" I asked him, trying to stand up which caused the pain in my head to increase, so I stayed on the floor.

"We're in your room." He told me.

"I can see that, but why? I thought I was dead?" I asked.

"That's what you wanted, yes?" He asked.

"Well yeah." I said.

"And why is that?" I questioned.

"I didn't see a point in living anymore." I confessed.

"Why not? Did you not have friends and family to live for? Your future to live for?" He asked.

"They didn't care anymore. They gave up with me a long time ago." I said.

"We both know that isn't true Dan." He said.

"They weren't making the effort anymore." I told him.

"And neither were you." He countered.

"Who are you?" I asked again.

"I'm Jophiel." He told me.

"What kind of name is that?" I asked.

"I am the Angel of Enlightenment." He said. I stared at him.

"Of course you are." I said disbelievingly.

"I'm here to help you." He told me.

"Help me how?" I questioned.

"I'm here to help you realise that this is not what you want." He said.

"How would you know what I want? You don't know what my life was like." I said to him.

"I know parts of it, but I think, deep down, you know this isn't the way to go about it." He said.

"And how are you going to help me?" I asked.

"I'm going to show you the good you have done in your life."

"So you're going to show me flashbacks of my life and expect me to say that I don't want to die? Good luck with that." I said.

"No, I'm going to show you what life would have been like if you were never born." He told me.

"You can't be serious." I said.

"But I am. Let's go." He said, touching my shoulder.

We were quickly transported to the outside of a school. I looked around, trying to recognise where we were. I quickly realised it was my high school.

"What are we doing here?" I asked.

"There is some people here you should probably see." He said, then started walking towards the front door of the building.

"Hey, wait up!" I shouted, running to catch up with him. We walked inside and up to the art classrooms. Jophiel walked into one of the classrooms and I followed him inside.

"Who am I supposed to be seeing?" I whispered, looking at him.

"You don't have to whisper, no one can hear or see you." He told me. He then nodded over to the corner of the room. Sitting at the back, staring down at a drawing pad was Pj. He had his earphones in, blocking out the rest of the world. He was drawing something I couldn't see, lost in his own little world he had created.

"What about him?" I asked

"What do you notice that is different?" He asked me.

"Has he done something different with his hair?" I asked, not knowing what I was looking for.

"No. what doesn't look right?" He asked. I walked over to him, looking at what he was drawing.

"Well the face he is drawing is slightly out of proportion, so I guess that isn't right." I said.

"Stop being a wise guy. Look around you. What is missing?" He asked. I looked around the room, not noticing anything out of place.

"A teacher?" I questioned. He rolled is eyes and sighed. "I don't know what you want me to say." I said.

"Who would usually be around but isn't?" He asked. I thought for a second.

"Chris?" I asked.

"Ding ding ding." He said.

"Where is he then?" I asked. Jophiel walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder again, taking us outside. This time, we were round the back of the school by the bike racks.

"Look over there." He said, pointing to the bike racks. I looked over, spotting a small group of people smoking.

"That's nothing unusual." I pointed out.

"No, but look who else is there." He said. I looked over, immediately spotting who he was talking about.

"Chris?!" I shouted, knowing he couldn't hear me. "I don't understand. What is going on?" I asked, confused as to why they weren't together. They were always together. If you found Chris, you were going to find Pj, and vice versa. They were like a package deal.

"They never hit it off." Jophiel said.

"What do you mean 'never hit it off'?" I asked.

"They never became friends. There was no other person there to introduce them, so they never really spoke, and they ending up in different friendship groups." He said.

"And that's my fault?" I asked.

"You were the one who introduced them to each other in year 1." He told me.

"You're right, I did. But they could have still talked." I said.

"But they didn't." Jophiel said.

"Okay, so if they didn't meet and become friends, did either of them become friends with Phil?" I asked, remembering my best friend. Jophiel shuffled on the spot.

"No, they didn't." He said.

"Well where is Phil?" I asked.

"If I show you, you won't like it." He said. I stared at him.

"Why not?" I asked worriedly.

"Do you want to see?" He asked me. I nodded. "Okay then." He put his hand on my shoulder and we arrived in what looked like a field, however, upon closer inspection, I could see it was more like a cemetery.

"What are we doing here?" I asked. Jophiel said nothing, only walking through the graves. He stopped in front of one and stared at it. I walked over, stopping in front of the same one. I read the words on in.

_'Philip Michael Lester_  
_1997 – 2011_  
_A loving son and friend'_

I stared at it for what must have been five minutes before I could even form a sentence. When I finally managed to talk, all I could get out was,

"What?" I looked over to Jophiel, who was staring at me with a sad expression.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Why? Why did this happen?" I asked.

"Because you weren't there to save him. You helped him when things got tough, Dan. You are his best friend and without you in his life, he had no one. He never talked to Chris or Pj, he became a reserved child as he grew up. He only spoke to people he knew really well. He never made any friends. He didn't have anyone to help him when he felt like he wasn't worth anything. All because you weren't around." Jophiel told me. I turned back to the grave, feeling a few tears escape my eyes.

"I'm so sorry Phil." I whispered.

"This is what you have to live for Dan. You saved his life, now maybe it's his turn to save yours. These are the people to live for. Live for the small things in life Dan. For falling in love with someone who you have known for years, or going to university, for moving in with your best friend when you get there, for telling him how you feel. It's all worth it Dan. I'm giving you the option to go back and change what you do, don't make the wrong decision Dan. Please." He finished. I stood there, tears freely falling down my face. I thought over hat he had just said. _Falling in love. Moving in with your best friend. Telling him how you feel._ For _Phil_.

"Okay." I said quietly.

"Okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, okay. I want to go back, I don't want this. This isn't the path I want Phil to follow because I'm not there to help him when he needs me. I want to go back." I said confidently.

"There you go." Jophiel smiled. "Are you sure?" He asked.

"Positive." I confirmed.

"Make the most of your life kid. Live it to the fullest and don't regret anything." He said.

"I won't." I told him.

"It was nice meeting you Dan."

"You too. And thank you." I said, smiling for the first time since I had met him.

"You're welcome." He said, and then everything went black again.

I opened my eyes and I was back in my room. I sat up from the ground, immediately coming face to face with the two bottles and the paper. I looked at them before standing up and picking the bottles up. I put the pills back in the medicine cabinet, and then took the vodka back to the kitchen, putting it back where I found it. I went back to my room and picked up the paper. It was my note. I read it over once before ripping it up and throwing it in the bin. I put on a pair of shoes and grabbed my jacket and keys, then went downstairs, being as quiet as possible, and left the house.

I walked a couple of minutes down the street, stopping in front of a house. I picked up a few stones, throwing them at the window I knew he would be in. about a minute later, the curtains opened Phil appeared at the window. When he saw it was me, he opened it.

"Dan? What are you doing here?" He asked, whispering so he didn't wake anyone up.

"I need to talk to you." I told him.

"Give me two minutes." He said, then closed the window again. He walked out the front door about a minute later.

"What's up?" He asked. I didn't say anything, instead throwing my arms around him. He was obviously shocked because he jumped slightly as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Please never leave me." I said. I could hear my voice crack, and I hoped that he wouldn't notice, but he did. I felt his arms move around my waist.

"Dan, are you crying?" He asked me. I shook my head, but he didn't believe me.

"What's wrong? Why do you think I'm going to leave you?" He asked, letting go of me so he could see me.

"I don't know, I just don't want you to leave me." I confessed.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm not going to. I'm here, I always will be." He said, wrapping his arms around me again.

"Thank you." I said. He let go of me.

"What brought all this on?" He asked me.

"I thought about killing myself tonight." I confessed. I heard him gasp, but I carried on. "I realised what life would be like without me, and how I would be leaving my best friend behind, and I couldn't do that. Especially not without telling him how I feel." I said. He didn't say anything, so I continued. "Phil, I love you. Not like a friend, but as more than that. You are my best friend, and you always will be. I can't imagine my life without you in it, and I don't want to. The idea of you not being in it scares me, and the idea of you replacing me with someone else scares me even more. Please don't hate me over this. If you don't feel the same, we can carry on as usual, but please don't leave me." I finished.

He didn't say anything for a few seconds, and I thought about turning away and going back home, but then he reached forwards and grabbed my hand, pulling me to him and connected our lips. The kiss was gentle and full of emotion. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead on mine.

"I love you too Dan, and I won't leave you, I promise. You've helped me through bad points in my life, now it's my turn to help you." He said.

"Thank you." I said, smiling for the first time since I had arrived here. He connected our lips again, and for the first time in a long time, I knew that things were going to be alright.

* * *

**Thanks for reading :) So, I came up with this while I was on the bus this morning, I'm not entirely sure why :) I quite like it, and I hope you like it it too :) If anyone ever needs to talk, I'm always here :)**

**Reviews are love :)**

**Multifandomer :) xxx**


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